Life's A Pitch
by xxBeautifulxxDisasterxx
Summary: Ashley’s knee falls between my legs and presses up against my upper thigh and I stop fighting her. I stare at her and that’s when I realized that I was starting to like my best friend.
1. Chapter 1

**So I just wanted to do a different sport story because I love the sport of softball. And I love the show of south of nowhere. And I think that they are perfect together. And I'll be using a lot of my life in this story too. And no this story wont just revolve around softball. And so yeah. I'll let you read the story.**

**After I do the disclaimer and tell everyone that I don't own south of nowhere. Tom does. I think we all know that. But whatever. I don't want him suing me. Lol. Ok, now I'll let you read the story.**

Labels. Not a person's best friend. Since im blonde, im labeled stupid. A ditz. Clumsy. And air head. We all know the labels blondes get. We even have our own jokes. So, I am only a ditz, and maybe im a tad clumsy, but im not stupid. I'll tell ya that right now. Nor am I a geek or a nerd either. Im in the middle.

Im labeled a lot of things actually. A jock, because I play softball. A prep because I wear strips. A hick because I live in Ohio. Whatever. I don't like labels so I just ignore the ones that people give me. They're usually wrong anyways.

So yeah. I play fast pitch softball. Some people say it's just a game. Well, it's not. It's a part of life. Life's a pitch. I wouldn't consider myself the star of the team, because some of the girls are really good. They'll be big one day. As well as me. My position is the hardest though. Catcher. Just think of the quarterback of an NFL foot ball team. That's how I would describe my position. I love it too. I wouldn't imagine softball without it.

One of my best friends used to play. But Kyla quit because of the coach. I wouldn't blame her either. He's a total ass. But whatever. This story isn't about him. It's about me. Spencer Carlin. Im 15 years old and this year has already turned out to be a weird year. I'll start off by telling you by the first night I noticed something was different with me.

_It all started on New Years Eve. The ball was just about to drop. We had one minute. We as in me, my best friend Ashley Davies, Madison Duarte, and Kyla Woods. We grabbed the bottle of sparkling cider and headed out onto the front porch. No one being smart enough to grab a jacket. It was freezing outside! We all shivered as Kyla tried to open the sparking cider bottle. Madison was counting down until we had 15 seconds left. _

_Ashley and I were standing next to each other trying to stay warm. "We have 30 seconds!" Madison announced_

_Finally Kyla got the bottle opened when we started to count down from 10. "…8…7…6…" I always hated new years because I never had anyone to kiss when we got to zero. "…3…2…1…" My friends and I screamed happy new years at the top of our lungs. Madison and Ashley shot off little fireworks while Kyla and I took the first drink out of the bottle._

_We all had a drink of sparkling cider before we headed back into my room where our movie was paused. We sat back down on my bed and leaned up against the wall. It went Kyla on the end, Madison next to her, Ashley and then me who was sitting right next to the head board. We were covered up with the giant comforter as the movie was playing. We passed the sparkling cider down through all of us until it was completely gone. _

_"I hate new years." Ashley announced. We all looked at her. Im glad I wasn't the only one. Kyla, which is her half sister, asked her why. "Well because I never have anyone to kiss." Same here. Same here._

_"Well you ain__t kissing me." Madison said taking another drink and handing the bottle to Kyla who agreed with Madison. Ashley chuckled as she leaned her head on the wall. I hear her sigh. It was a sad sigh, disguised as a bored sigh. She always does that. Im the only one who can actually tell when something is wrong when no one else can. We're like two peas in a pod._

_The next morning, I wake up to Ashley texting. Kyla hidden under the covers still asleep. And Madison snoring. I was lying next to Ashley. "Who are you texting so early?" I asked her rubbing the sleep out of my eyes_

_"Aiden." She says. Aiden is the guy she has a big crush on. He has a crush on her too, but they won't go out with each other. So basically they're friends with benefits. Pointless I know._

_"Oh." I close my eyes and snuggle into my cover more to get a little bit more comfortable_

_"Cold?" She asks and I hear her close her phone. I nod my head, knowing that she was staring at me. "Here." She says quietly, putting half of her cover on top of mine. I smile into my pillow._

_A few minutes past and Ashley was getting really impatient because Aiden hasn't texted her back yet. If she were texting me this early, I wouldn't either. I would rather sleep. But laying here next to her is just fine. I grab her phone while she went to the bathroom and I put it in my hoodie pocket after I put it on vibrate. _

_Kyla comes out from underneath the covers when Ashley walks back in. "Morning Sleeping Beauty." Ashley smiles down at her sister_

_Kyla groans and she disappears back underneath the covers. Madison snores again which makes everyone smile. Ashley and I walk out of the room so we won't disrupt them again. We sit down on the couch and start to watch some TV. "So hey, excited to go back to school and finally try out for softball again?" Ashley is my pitcher. We've been a pair since we were in the 3__rd__ grade. _

_"For sho." She chuckles as she stops on an MTV show_

_"Me too. I can't wait to see our competition." I smile and I agree with her. We're now the sophomores and no longer the newbie's. Now we get to call the freshmen the newbie's. I always hated being called a Newbie instead of my nickname that Ashley gave me back when we became the duo of terror; Wheels. Wheels were just so much better. Ashley's nickname that I gave her was Ace. We've called each other that since. Mostly on the field though._

_An hour or two past before we went back into the room to wake the two sleeping bodies up. It was already 10 and we were already bored. After we woke them up, we put in another movie but we weren't really watching it. We were playing cards. And for some reason, I keep getting really jealous because __Aiden kept texting Ashley. I felt her phone vibrate in my front pocket. I never gave Ashley her phone back and it's a good thing._

_"No, go fish." I draw a card and then I set down a pair of twos on the floor as Madison asks Kyla for a King. _

_"Hey where is my phone?" I shrug my shoulders along with the others and continue to play the game, "Mads, call my phone." Ashley paused the movie as Madison started to call Ashley's phone. This isn't going to be good. I felt her phone start to vibrate against my stomach. The buzzing getting louder and louder with each ring. Ashley looks at me with a tiny glare and a tiny smile. She knows that I have it. "Gimme my phone, Spence." She puts her hand out for me to put her phone in her hand_

_But instead I give her a high five and ask Kyla for a three. I draw another card but only to be tackled by Ashley. My cards go flying and Madison and Kyla start to laugh. "Get off of me!" I laugh trying to get Ashley off of me. She is freakishly strong for her size. _

_"Give me my phone, spencer!" She laughs going for my jacket pocket_

_I push her off of me and I make a run for it. I take her phone out of my pocket and I put it on top of the microwave and run into the living room. She bolts out of my bedroom and jumps on my back when I was about to turn around. We both fall onto the ground with her on top of me. I hear Kyla counting acting like it was a wrestling match. Ashley's knee falls between my legs and presses up against my upper thigh and I stop fighting her. I stare at her and that's when I realized that I was starting to like my best friend._

I walk onto the field with Ashley. It's been two months since then. February 3rd today. And today is the first day of softball. We stood in left field, waiting for the other girls to come over for a warm up jog. I took in a deep breath. And I could smell another great season ahead of us. And I so couldn't wait for it. This year, I could feel it, was so going to be a lot better than last year. And last year was really good. So, it's going to be hard to top it this year.

When all of the girls were over here in left field, we were about to take off into our warm up jog when our coach came over. "Hello Ladies." He smiled at us, "Welcome to the new year. I can already smell victory in the air." I smile because I knew I wasn't alone in the love of the sport. "We're just going to start off today getting to know each other. We will have two more weeks of conditioning and then the tryouts. So if you all would, please form a circle." We all do as we're told

Half of the girls we're already done saying their name and all the other things that we're supposed to say. When it came to me I stood up, "Hey im Spencer Carlin. But a lot of people know me as Wheels. I've been playing softball since the 3rd grade with my best friend Ashley." I look down at her and she smiled up at me, "And I play catcher." I sit back down and Ashley stands up

"Hi im Ashley Davies. More known as Ace. Played since 3rd grade with my bestest friend in the whole world, Spencer. We are the Duo of Terror." Some of the girls laughed but that's how everyone knew us, "And I play pitcher." She sits down next to me and the girl next to Ashley stands up

"Hey im Lizzy Dennison. You all know my older brother. Aiden." The girls sigh at the mention of his name. I roll my eyes, "Im a newbie and I play 3rd. Oh and I've been playing since 6th grade." She sits back down

After we're all done introducing ourselves, we're supposed to warm up. We did our jog around the whole field once and then we stretched. We threw to warm up our arms and then afterwards, we went to our positions. There were only four catchers. The senior, Alexis. Me. And then the two freshmen, Kayla and Erica. I heard that Kayla was really good and Erica was alright. There were 6 pitchers. Only two of them I really know. Ashley and Rebecca. Both amazing pitchers.

We took some grounders and pop flies before we all separated into groups to do a lot of running. First were suicides. We did 3 sets of these and it almost killed me I swear. It was so much running. Then we had like a 2 minute break before we took a nice long jog. When we got back to the field, everyone was breathing really heavy. The coach called it quits before anyone of us puked.

Ashley and I walked out to the side of the school where we get picked up. "Oh. My. God. Is he really trying to kill us?" Ashley asked setting her bag down next to mine

"I think he is. You think tomorrow is going to be harder?" I ask sitting down against the wall

She nods, "He's gotta sort of the good from the bad." She smiles over at me and I return the smile

We sat there in silence for a couple of minutes before Ashley's cell phone started to ring. "It's Aiden!" She practically squealed as she answered the phone, "Hello." She said as calmly as she could. She is like in love with this boy I swear. And once again, a knot in my stomach starts to form because im jealous. And I hate being jealous.

Kayla walked around the corner and smiled at me. She set her bag down next to mine and sat down next to me against the wall. She sighs, "Holy shit. What a day." I laugh totally ignoring Ashley and her phone call

"I know. I almost died." She laughs and smiles at me. Her smile is really pretty. But not of course as pretty as Ashley's. Ashley's looks like she just walked out of a Crest tooth paste commercial. I glance back over at Ashley and she's turning red. I hate boys. I turn my attention back to Kayla, "So you think you'll make it through conditioning?" She chuckles with a sigh

"Yeah… hopefully." She stands up, "That's my mom. Catch you later, Wheels." For a catcher, im pretty fast. See, normally catchers are these bulky girls that you can't knock down because their that big and strong. Me? Im skinny and tall. Im strong too, but no one knows it because it's a secret weapon I have. And catchers are supposed to be slow. Im not slow. Nope, not at all.

And then my mom pulls up. I stand up, "Bye Ash." I say but she doesn't hear me. She is too involved in her conversation with Aiden. He's a dick anyways. He goes out with girls and just when he gets what he wants from them, he dumps them. Ashley, well she doesn't believe me when I keep telling her that. But whatever. I guess she has to learn some how.

I start walking towards my mom's car, "Bye Spence!" I hear from behind me. I turn around with a small smile and give her a little wave. I throw my bag into the back of the truck and I hop into the front seat of our Ford F150. I sigh as I put on my seat belt.

"You ok sweetie?" My mom is practically my sister. I can tell her anything without her judging me. I already told her that I might be gay and she didn't have a problem with it. I told her that I kind of like Ashley more than a friend and she didn't have problem with it.

"Yeah. Just a rough practice." It was the truth. Just not the whole truth behind my sad sigh.

**Ok, there it is. Should I continue it? Did you guys like it? It's something different. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed! And I agree with a lot of you… softball rocks:)****What does everybody play… the people who play the best sport created I mean.**

**Chapter 2! I changed some of the lyrics to the song I have in here. It didn't fit just quite right. **

The next morning, I was in the truck with my mom. We're in front of Ashley's house waiting for her to come out and go to school. See, ever since the middle of 3rd grade, we've been giving Ashley rides every morning to school so we would have even more time together. That is until her dad remarried and Kyla came into the picture.

Finally, Ashley walks out of her house. She's wearing a short jean skirt today with a blue low cut shirt. Her legs are really tan too. Not that I checked out my best friend's friends legs or anything. She gets into the car and says good morning to my mom. My mom sends me a look and I roll my eyes at her. She's weird sometimes ya know.

When we get to school, Aiden is waiting for Ashley in front of the school. Ashley gets out of the car first and I sigh before I open my door. "Love ya sweetie." My mom smiles at me. I smile back at her and get out of the car.

I walk over to Ashley who is talking to Aiden. They're flirting with each other and I find it rather disgusting, "Hey Ash, im going to…" She isn't even listening to me. "Go." I say quietly walking off. I don't see what girls see in Aiden. I mean, just because he's the hottest guy on campus and that he's the star of the basketball team here. That doesn't mean anything. He's a dick.

I quickly put in my ear buds that go to my iPod into my ears. First thing that plays is _Invisible _by _Taylor Swift. _I sing the chorus in my head, _And I just wanna show you. __H__e don't even know you. __H__e's never gonna love you like I want to. You just see right through me but if you only knew me.We could be a beautiful, miracle, unbelievable. Instead of just invisible._I change the song quickly after that. I love Taylor Swift. She's like the only country I listen too basically. She says everything I want to say in her songs. It's like we're one. But instead, I start to listen to _Low _by _Flo Rida. _

This song really makes me want to dance. I spot Madison and Kyla and I walk up to them. I turn my music down on low so I can hear what they're saying. "Hey Spence." Kyla smiles over at me before she takes a bite out of her bagel

I smile over at her and start mouthing the chorus to her. She laughs and steals my left ear bud. Before we knew it, we're singing out loud to the song with a little dancing. "Girls, you _so _don't know how to do." Madison tells us with her hand on her hip staring at us. She shakes her head at us and we laugh as the song changes to something else.

"So hey, where's Ash?" Kyla asks handing me back my ear bud.

I turn my iPod off so I won't get in trouble with having it on campus. I look at her, "Googleing at Aiden." I roll my eyes not meaning for them to see it

"Someone jealous, Carlin?" Madison chuckles at Kyla's comment. I shake my head. But really I am. And they can see it I swear. "Mmhmm, sure." Kyla and Madison laugh at me

Rebecca walks up to me then and brings me into a hug. "Hey Spence. Where's Ace?" She asks pulling back from our hug

"With Aiden." Why does everyone ask me where Ashley is? "Why?" Well I should at least try and find out why

She shrugs, "You guys are always together. It's just kind of weird not seeing her with you." She chuckles, "Anyways, I gotta run. Catch you later, Spence." She smiles walking off

I sigh as I turn back around to not find Madison and Kyla. They always ditch me. Thinking that it's funny to do or something. I think it's just kind of rude. I roll my eyes and shake my head as I start to walk off. Im here at school early. Why again? Oh right, because Ashley wanted to hang out with me.

As I wonder down senior hall, and towards to the bathroom, my cell phone starts to vibrate in my front pocket. I take it out and it's Ashley. I sigh opening the phone and putting it up to my ear. "Hey Ash." I say into the phone not really wanting to talk to her

"Where did you go?" Oh my god, she just now noticed?

"I left." I say pushing open the bathroom door and walking in

"Why?" She asks and I hear her say bye to someone and then Aiden says it back. Ugh. Did I mention how much I don't like Aiden? Even his 'bye' is all sexual.

"Umm because you were too caught up in your lover boy." Wow I so shouldn't have said that with an attutitude…

"What's wrong?" She's asks me as I walk into the biggest stall at the last of all of the stalls.

"Nothing. I gotta go im about to pee." And I hang up. Im not really going to go to the bathroom. I just wanted to get away from everyone. Then I hear the bathroom door open and some girls talking about Aiden and my Ashley.

"… yeah I heard she's a slut." Ok um no she's not. "Yeah well she better stay away from Aiden or else." I peek out of the crack and look at the girls. They're really tiny. Ashley could so take them. "Where did she even come from? What grade is she in?" "I don't know… but isn't she Glen's sisters best friend?" And I open the stall door and they turn around

"Actually, she is." They both stare at me kind of shocked

"Oh, hey. Look its Glen's sister." The shorter one out of the two of them said. She's the one who called Ashley a slut. And dang, I feel like a freakin' giant compared to her!

"Um, yeah. Let's go." The taller one of the two said and they both left. Am I really that intimidating? I didn't think I was. I mean, I knew I was out on the field, but at school? Great, the bell. And great, I have 1st period language with Ashley.

I walk into the classroom to find the shorter girl that was just in the bathroom sitting in one of the desks already. I didn't know that she was a sophomore. She spots me and offers a small smile. I turn away and take my seat in the back of the room. Ashley is supposed to sit next to me, but truthfully, I don't want her next to me today.

Ashley then walks into the room and she usually she talks to people before she sits down, but today she went to her seat immediately. She turned to me who is slouching in the desk acting like if the lower I go, she wont be able to see me. "What's wrong with you? What did I do?" Dang, she can see me

I look over at her, "Nothing. You didn't do anything." Well, technically she didn't. I mean, the ignoring of the best friend put aside.

"You know I can tell when you're lying, right?" She smirks and I chuckle. Of course it's fake! I don't want her to know that im beginning to like her! "So tell me what I did." She said kind of quietly

"Nothing. Im just… PMSing." That should shut her up. But I highly doubt it.

"Oh." She says. She sits there for a moment before she takes out her binder. The front of her binder is covered with pictures of me and her. From the recent summer. We went camping with my family for two weeks. It was so much fun. I can't wait for this next summer. We're going back to the campsite again.

I glance over at the short girl and she is still staring at me. Our sub is calling roll call right now, "Kelly Anderson?" The short brunette raising her hand with a small 'here' involved. She looks back over at me, "Spencer Carlin?" I raise my hand and I noticed that Kelly is glaring at someone over here. It's not at me. I turn to my left and of course, Ashley. It's always Ashley.

"Hey Ash?" She raises her hand because the sub just called her name. She turns to me and stares at me with those chocolate brown eyes. Oh my god I could so get lost in them. "Do you know… Kelly?" And I make a gesture over to the glaring small brunette

She shakes her head, "No… why?" Um because she has you on her to kill list.

"I was just a wondering." I took out my phone them because I got a text message from Alexis. _Hey __wanna go out to lunch with me and Becca today? _Rebecca, Alexis, and I are pretty tight to be all in different grades. Rebecca is a junior. Im a sophomore. Alexis is a senior. And we hang out a lot. But usually it's with Ashley too. I talked to Alexis earlier today about the whole Ashley-ignoring-me thing. She thought Ashley was just being stupid about the whole thing and I should just look past it and all. But whatever. I still said yeah.

At lunch all we did was talk about random stuff. What's new with everyone and what's up with some of the newbie's and just stuff like that. And word has it that Ashley and Aiden are official now. I just can't believe she hasn't told me yet. Im not going to say anything about it because I want to see how long it will take her for her too tell me. Apparently the whole school already knows. I guess good news spreads fast huh. Well that's what I hear, but this really isn't good news. I don't like this news. Nope, not at all.

My last two classes were pretty boring. Im just so happy to be out on the field again. It feels good to be in cleats and a pony tail after so long of being in tight jeans, hair down, and flip flops or flats. I turn around to see where Ashley is. I walked over from the locker room with her, but we didn't really say anything besides that we're tired and we both wish it was Friday. I finally find her talking to Rebecca. They're both sitting on the bleachers together waiting for practice to start.

I decide to grab Alexis and a couple of the other girls and head over to left field. Soon, all of the other girls joined us for our warm up routine. After we were through with throwing, pitchers and catchers split up too warm up. Of course, me and Ashley got put together. She was just doing her warm ups and when I was throwing them back, it was harder than usual and a lot lower than I should be throwing them. More around the ankle area. "Spence, could you like, not aim for my ankles?" She pitches again and Alexis sends me a look

I shake it all off and I throw normal. I haven't really said anything to her besides telling her what pitches she needs to be throwing. "Ash throw your screw ball again." She rolls her eyes. This is the pitch that she hates to throw. I guess it's hard or something I don't know. But she almost has it down perfect but she never practices it again. "Ash I said screw not curve." I stand up from my squatting position and I throw her the ball again

"Well im trying to throw it!" She says positioning herself for the next pitch. I squat back down and she throws yet another curve. I sigh in frustration. "Maybe im holding it wrong." She says when I throw the ball back to her.

"Yeah." I say muffled through the face mask

She looks over at me weird. Like she knows something is wrong with me but she doesn't want to bring anything up about it until practice is over with. She shakes her head and throws another curve. This one was a whole lot harder than any of her other pitches. I throw the ball back to her, not letting her know that the ball she just pitched actually hurt like a bitch.

She throws another curve a lot harder. It hit the wrong spot on my hand that if a ball was pitched hard enough in that spot repeditly, it could break something. I wince when she throws her fast ball into the same spot again. I bite my lower lip. I don't know why she's throwing this hard all of sudden. She only does it when she's mad. And it's really really hard. She hits the same spot again and I throw my glove on the ground and I shake my hand as I walk around in a circle. "Damn Ashley, what pissed you off?" I snap at her. Not even meaning to snap at her.

"You mean what pissed you off? What the fuck did I do to make you mad at me!" Some of the girls turn and stare at us.

"Watch your mouth, Davies!" The coach yells and she rolls her eyes.

She stares at me kind of coldly. "Ash—" She cuts me off though

She starts to walk off, "We'll talk after practice." She drops the ball by my glove and joins the other girls on the field

**Ok so im so freaking pissed off right now! That's why like this whole chapter is angry. Lol. Umm because if anyone wanted to know why, we—as in my softball team—just lost 3 games in a row. It was our first 3 games; non league though. But ughhh. I guess the only part that was actually good between yesterday and today was: I got in the paper, a lot of my friends came to yesterdays game, my boyfriend came to yesterdays game, and the 4 hour ride down to So. Cal and the ride back. And this chapter actually took me like a week because I was so busy. Lol. Anyways, hope you like it.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed!**

I sighed, finally practice was over and the tension between me and Ashley can be settled once and for all. I just don't want her to be completely mad at me. I mean, it's not like im going to tell her that im completely jealous of Aiden. It's just that im mad that she hasn't told me herself yet. She's had the whole day, and not even a word yet.

We yell our school's name before we split up to pick up equipment and our own gear. I put away my catchers gear in my softball bag before I start to pick up other things. Because sometimes, putting my gear away could take a life time. So basically, some days it goes in easy and others I can't figure how to put it in like I did the time before.

After I rake my spot, I walk back over to my bag. I pick it up and I start to walk off, but Ashley calls for me. I stop and I totally regret showing her just a little bit that I was pissed off at her. Ugh, this is so going to be a fun practice. Maybe she's forgotten about the whole thing. Alexis walks past me, "Don't say anything you'll regret later, Wheels." She kind of smiles at me but she continues to walk off.

Ashley walks up to me and stares at me for a second and then starts to walk to the side of the school where we get picked up. When we get there, we both set our bags down and sit down against the wall. A cool late winter, early spring breeze blows through. I sigh before Ashley starts to talk. "Ok, so what's up? Why you mad?" She picks at the grass. She won't even look at me.

"I was just a little upset that you didn't tell me that you and Aiden are going out. I had to find—" She cuts me off

She's staring at me, "We aren't even going out. Who told you we were?" She asks confused, "You know I would tell you if we were." She smiles a little bit, "You're my number one!" She throws her arm around my shoulders and pulls me into her. Even though we just got done playing softball and sweating a lot, she still smells good. Like French vanilla.

I smile and nod. Of course the smile is fake. Because why would I smile at the fact that she would still consider going out with Aiden? Please just gag me now and get it over with.

She takes her arm back to put on her jacket. When he head slips through the hole of her hoodie, I can't help to stare at her. One, because she's still the cutest girl I've ever seen, even when her hair is plastered to her head because of sweat. Because she still looks so beautiful when all of her make up is gone. And two, because I'll always be her number one. I smile at her because I just realized that I fell for my best friend. And I fell hard.

The next day at school, after my mom dropped us off in the front, Ashley only smiled a hello to Aiden and kept walking. I didn't really smile on the outside, but I was sure as hell smiling on the inside. The fact that she can blew off the hottest guy in the school, just to keep walking with me, made my day. And apparently, anything she does with me makes my day. But she'll never know that.

We walk up to Madison and Kyla who are in our normal spot in the morning. Madison's boy toy of the week is here with her today. It's that one kid in my science class. I don't know his name though. But I use to think he was really cute. Kyla is eating a bagel, like usual. Nothing new about that. Cinnamon. Her favourite. Ashley immediately starts to talk to Rebecca who was talking to I guess is her younger brother. They look nothing alike, but Kyla just informed me that they were brother and sister. I should find out his name. Because it looks like he'll be staying here for a while, because I haven't seen that look in Madison's eye since Paul came into the picture. And he stayed in for almost a year.

Kyla starts to talk to me about the new guy she likes. It's Aiden too. Can you believe it? "Ohmigod!" I could barely understand that. "Here he comes!" She practically squealed and looked at the walking dick head.

Kyla quickly gets rid of her smile because Ashley totally just stopped talking to Rebecca when she saw Aiden. She met him half way. I have to turn back around because I can't watch them hug. It's like Chinese torture for the eyes.

"Hey, im going to go and hang out with Aiden ok?" Ashley walks over to me and grabs her backpack that was next to mine. I nod. "You sure? Because you say the word and I'll stay."

I smile at her, "Stay." She laughs and pushes me a little

"Later Spence." And she walks off with him.

Kyla and I both sigh in unison. We look at each other. "He's mine." She looks directly at me. Oh wow, she's defiantly serious about that too.

"You can have him." And that was probably a mistake on my half. Ugh, I wish I would think before I speak. You know, run what im going to say through my mind before im actually going to say it. That was just kind of a mistake too. Watching Ashley still walk off with him towards his group of friends. Hand in hand. I think my heart just cracked a little bit.

My phone starts to vibrate. But I realized that it was only a text message. So I don't have to rush to it. I take my time in retrieving it from my front pocket of my jeans. It's from Ashley. I read it to myself, _since you're my number one and all… I wanted you to be the first to know… me and aiden are going out:D _ I swallow hard. I can't believe what I just read. I don't think im going to tell Kyla or Madison. I don't think my mouth can handle all of those words in one sentence.

"Hey, im going to go to my class early. I have to finish some homework." I tell them goodbye before I walk off to my first class.

I turn the corner and I bump into Kelly. We both fall to the ground and her papers fly everywhere. "Sorry." She says quickly getting up and starts to collect her papers from the ground. I pick a couple up and stand up. She looks at me, "oh, hey." She smiles a little to me.

"Hey." I say quietly back. I hand her the papers that I had. "Kelly right?" She rolls her eyes but with a smile

"Don't play dumb, Spence. I know you know who I am. Im the girl who talked shit about your best friend." She chuckles

"Oh, that's right. I knew I recognized your voice." I smile at her. She really isn't that bad. And hey, who said I wasn't aloud to have new friends? But one bad thing about Ashley and she's outta here.

She shakes her head, "Where you heading?" She stares at me. She's short. But her eyes make up for that. They're a hazel. And the type of hazel that you could just fall into.

"Um, no where." Of course I lied to Madison and Kyla. I just didn't want to hang out with them. All they talk about it boys, boys, boys. It gets old. Fast.

She smiles up at me. We walk together and we turn the corner that I just came around. The one that leads to my friends that I just lied too. I grab her hand and turn us around. "We gotta go this way." I smile, not noticing that my hand still had a hold of hers.

"Why?" She looks at me and then stares down at our hands. She bites her bottom lip and takes her hand back shyly. She's actually really cute. But not as cute at Ms. Davies.

"Cause I said so." I tell her in a matter of fact tone. "Duh." And she laughs.

Kelly and I walk into our first period class 5 minutes late. We wanted to go to the little store down on the corner by our school for some Arizona Tea. That stuff is soo good. I love it. We walk into the class laughing, and the whole class stares at us. The teacher is quiet for moment. "Girls, you're late." He stares at our drinks and then back up at our faces, "You both have detention after school today." He turns his back to us and continues to teach

"What!" Kelly says which makes Mr. Brown turn around and stare at us.

"Um I can't. I have softball practice." I start to walk over to my seat

"Well, you both should have thought of that before ditching—" I cut him off.

I set my drink on my desk, and turn around, "Um we didn't ditch. If we would have ditched, we wouldn't be here right now." Ashley slaps my leg and I don't even look at her. I take my seat and Mr. Brown walks closer to me.

"Carlin, you know that talking back will get you more time in detention." But he pisses me off so much! I roll my eyes and I take out my binder. "That's what I thought." And he walks back over to the board to continue his boring lecture about something.

I look over at Kelly and we both smile at each other and start taking down notes. Then a piece of binder paper falls onto my desk. I open it up and it's Ashley's hand writing. _What the hell, Spence! You can't have detention! Coach is going to flip! Let me have some tea pleaseee. And why are you hanging out with Kelly? _Wow long enough for a little piece of paper huh?

I scribble back my reply, _I know! But whatever. Because she's really nice. And I like her. _I hand her the note and my tea. She smiles at me and takes a drink before reading the note.

I watch her read the note and she crinkles her forehead. She writes down a reply and hands me the note back. I read it. _You like her better than me?? _Ouch, hits me in the hard spot huh? I quickly tell her never and she smiles over at me and replies with good.

After school, I met up with Kelly to walk to detention together. We talked a lot. And now we have plans for a movie this Friday night. Even though I have a tradition with Ashley to see a movie every Friday. Im sure Ash will understand.

I quickly change into my softball gear and run out to the field. The coach pulls me aside when I get there, "Spencer, you know the rules. Sit on the bench and watch." Shit. I so forgot about that rule.

I sigh and walk over to the green benches. I sit in the middle and I lean on the one above the row im sitting on. Ashley spots me. She's pitching with Kayla as her catcher. She looks pissed off. I watch her. I watch how her body moves with the pitch. And I realized that im in deep with this girl.

**Ok there is the update! Reviews are good! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Ok so… the deal was that I update this yesterday. And I had it all written out and everything…… that is until I fell asleep. Lol. So now I am updating it :)**

**Soo sorry that it's been like forever since I've updated. Lol. But I've been soo busy with softball it isn't even funny. But I decided that it's a Friday, after a really good game today (7-1… us) I thought I would update since I have nothing else better to do. Lol.**

**Anyways… I'll let you read the update :) hope you like it!**

I watch as the team huddles up and they all pile their hands in the middle. As they bring their hands up, they yell "Cobras!" and then they all pick up their equipment. Ashley makes her way over to me with a smile on her face. She takes a seat next to me on the bench. I look over at her and she sighs heavily and then looks at me, "How was detention with, _Kelly_?" She rolls her eyes as she says her name

I chuckle, "It was fin—" I get cut off by the coach

"Carlin. Come here. Now." I send Ashley an apoplectic look as I get up from the green benches and I make my way over to where the coaches are standing. They're kind of far from the other girls. I wonder what they have to say.

I stand in front of the two coaches and they look from one another and then to me. "You ok Spence?" Ok weird. I nod though. "You sure? You look like something bothering you." The other one said quietly

I nod, "Yeah im fine." How did they know? Am I really that obvious?

The older coach sighs, "What's going on with you and Ash?" Oh my god, I really am that obvious.

I shake my head, "You know… school stuff. Drama and such. It's all good though." Can we please just stop talking about this?

The younger coach smiles and wraps his arm around my shoulders. A little awkward I must say. "Good. Because we cant have our two best players hating each other. What kind of year would that be?" Wow.

"A bad one." I say with a slightly fake smile

I quickly walk back over to Ashley who is waiting for me on the bench. The same spot where I left her. As I make my way towards her, I see her eyes wander over my body. I think. Maybe im wrong. Of course im wrong. Why would she even do that? "Ready?" I ask her heaving my bag over my shoulder and starting to walk off

We make our way over to the side of the building, "What did they want to talk to you about?" shit

We set our bags down, "Im not supposed to be late anymore. Or whatever." I roll my eyes for a dramatic effect

"Oh. Hey, ok so, tomorrow is Friday and all… is it cool if I miss the whole movie thing?" Hey thanks for reminding me that I have plans with Kelly.

"Sure. Kelly and I were going to go to the movies anyways." Ok… I answered a tad bit too fast.

Ashley stares at me funny, "Were you even going to tell me?" she actually looks hurt by this

"Yeah. I was going to ask you if she could come." I stare down at the grass. I can't even look at her when I say this, "But since you already have plans with _him _I don't need too." I look back over at her and she crinkles her forehead

"Why do you hate him?" I could give you 1 good simple reason: he gets to hold you and kiss you.

"You deserve better. Every girl falls for him, Ash." I stare into her eyes and I get lost. Of course. It's just that they're so chocolately and brown and gorgeous. I shake it all off and stare straight, "But maybe you're different." Because I knew she was going to say that

"I am, Spence. I wish you could see that." Yeah, I also get to see how beautiful you are without makeup and in your sweat pants.

I sigh, "Whatever. When he makes you cry, don't come crying to me." I say still not looking at her

"Aw, is my baby getting jealous?" Even though im not really her baby… it still feels good when she said that and actually meant me in it. I smile over at her, "That's my girl!" I roll my eyes and chuckle as my mom pulls up.

We both stand up and I give her a hug. As I start to pull away, she hugs me tighter and whispers in my ear, "Thanks for caring for me, Spencer." We pull apart and stare at each other

"I'll always care about you, Ash. And I always will. Even when you aren't mine." Shit. That so did not slip out of my mouth, did it?

"I'll always be yours. What are you talking about?" Ok, just pull it all off as in a friendly manner. Yeah.

"Bye gorgeous." I smile at her and start to walk off when I hear from behind me, "Later beautiful!" I smile to myself as I climb into my mom's truck. Well actually my dads. But my mom drives it.

I get home and take a shower and have a snack. Then I make my way up to my room and attempt to start on my homework, but instead I fall asleep on my bed. Dreaming once again about the one and only, Ashley Davies. This dream was just like all the others I've been having every night. We kiss, make out, fool around, and even sometimes have sex. But then I wake up from the dream and realize that it will never happen.

This time though, I wake up to my phone ringing. _But I don't care what they say, im in love with you. They try to pull me away, but they don't know the truth. _I open my phone to the sound of Ashley breathing hard. And the whole ringtone? It's not because im in love with her. I swear. It's just a good song.

"Ash? You ok?" I say sitting up in my bed, wiping the drool off of my chin and my math homework

"Yeah." She whispers, "Open your front door please!" She sniffles and I hurry up downstairs. I look at the kitchen clock and its 11:23. Wow, what a nap huh?

I get to the front door and open it up and im embraced with Ashley in my arms. She starts to cry and I pull her closer, "Come on." I say it quietly and I grab her hand in mine. They fit perfectly.

I drag her up to my room and I clear the bed from all of my homework and we lay down. She cries softly in my arms and when she clams down a bit, I ask her what's wrong. "My parents… are getting… a divorce." Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

"Are you serious?" I can't believe them! How could they do that to her? I feel her nod into my chest and shoulder where her head is positioned. I rub my hands in a circular motion in the middle of her back. "It's going to be ok, babe." I say quietly and she pulls away. Im a little sad for that move. She sits up and I follow her lead.

She grabs my hands, "Why do you do this to me?" She stares at me and then sniffles

Confused? Yeah you could say that. "What do you mean?" I ask her. I mean, I didn't do anything bad! Did I?

"Never mind." She drops my hands and lays down, "It was stupid anyways." She sniffles again and I stare at her.

"Nothing serious you say can ever be stupid." I tell her, still sitting up and looking at how beautiful she looks even when she cries.

She looks over at me and bites her lower lip, "I love you, Spence." She smiles slightly

And of course she means it as friends. "I love you more, Ash." Even more than you would ever believe. Im actually in love with you, Ashley. And it hurts me to see you with him. But I'll never tell you the truth because I don't want to lose you.

**Ok im done. Im tried. Lol. I was going to be mean, and actually have that as a dream. But I decided not too. I need to get this story moving along! Lol. Reviews are welcomed!**


	5. Chapter 5

It's been two weeks since our little moment we had in my room. Ashley and I. It's been different between us lately. It's like… ever since that night, I swear she stares a little longer than she should. I mean, I like it, but I think her sister and other people notice it. But im not too sure.

Tomorrow though is the first day of tryouts. I am so glad that conditioning is over with. So much freaking running during these past two weeks. I've lost 9 pounds. I don't need to lose any more weight! But whatever.

Tonight is going to be fun. Ashley and I are going to the movies. Just me and her. Finally. I mean, hanging out with Kelly was fun and all, but it just wasn't the same without Ashley. Im listening to my iPod right now, waiting for her in front of the theater. She should have been here 10 minutes ago. I wonder where she's at.

As soon as I pull out my cell phone to call her, I hear faintly through my music, "Hey gorgeous, waiting for someone special?" I look up to see my beautiful best friend. You know… the one im in love with.

I stand up and I open my mouth to say something, but I look past her and notice a familiar raven haired boy that has captured my best friends' heart. "I thought it was just going to be us?" I ask quietly and watch Aiden buy his and Ashley's ticket. I've already bought mine before they got here.

He took the tickets from the window person who is actually really cute. I wonder how old she is. What am I thinking? Geez.

Aiden turned to Ashley as she opened her mouth to respond to me but she quickly shut it when he flashed his 'perfect' smile to her and said, "Here ya go babe." He threw his arm around her shoulders and we made our way into the theaters.

Ashley looked over at me and I kept to myself. Maybe she'll ditch the guy and just go with me. "Hey Aid, wanna get us some popcorn while me and Spence," Gag, she just used both of our names in the same sentence, "go get us some seats?" She said more as a statement instead of a question.

She grabbed my hand and that immediately brought a smile to my face. She led me towards our theater where our movie was playing. She was a couple of steps in front of me and she still had a hold of my hand. And I still had that stupid goofy smile plastered on my face. She turned around and slowed her walk down and soon we stopped in the hall. "Why are you smiling like a goof?" She chuckles dropping my hand

Immediately, the warmth leaves my hand. I shake my head, "It's nothing." I say quietly. We stand there in a kind of awkward moment. So I decide to try and make her smile, because that's something she isn't doing right now and I miss that smile of hers. "So, yeah." I say to make her 

look at me, "This is when I would do this…" I say putting my hands on her shoulders and with one quick motion, pushed her into the hall wall.

I took a step closer and she was just staring at me with a slight smile on her face. I leaned in close next to the side of her face and breathe warm breath on her neck and gave her chills. That's when she did something I never would have thought would have happened. She put her hands on my hips and started to bring me closer but then the doors swung open and I jumped back. Blushing hard.

"Hey I thought you guys were going to get some seats?" Aiden asked eating some popcorn.

"Oh. Um." Ashley trailed off. Staring at me. She's blushing really hard as well.

"We got a little distracted." I say take a hand full of popcorn and sharing a smile with Ashley.

I sat next to Ashley during the movie. She knew I wouldn't sit next to Aiden because she sensed that I didn't like him. I mean im glad she knew I didn't like him. That's one less thing I have to hide from her. And I hate hiding things from her. That's why I tell her everything. Everything besides the fact that im in love with her. I don't really know how she would handle that one.

After the movie was over, Aiden offered to take us home. I answered 'no' a little too quickly, but whatever. Not like im trying to impress him or anything. Im probably the only girl in our high school who doesn't have a humongous crush on the dick.

Ashley turned him down too. She's probably going to want to talk about what happened in the hallway. I quickly turned away from the two as they said their good bye to each other and put in my ear buds. The beginning of my new favorite song started to play. Next To You by Jordin Sparks. Why is it my favorite? Because it says everything I feel about Ashley. Everything.

Then suddenly my right ear bud came out of my ear and into Ashley's. Should I change it? "Don't you love this song?" She knows? How? I nod in response.

As Jordin starts to sing, Ashley becomes really quiet. As if she's listening to what she's saying in her song. Like, she's trying to figure out why I love it. Maybe I should have changed it…

_Two 'o clock and I wish that I was sleeping  
You're in my head like a song on the radio  
All I know is that I got to get next to you  
Yeah I got to get next to you  
Sitting here turning minutes into hours  
To find the nerve just to call you on the telephone  
You don't know that I got to get next to you_

She looks over at me. She has a slight smile on her face. "It's good so far." She says quietly with a little chuckle. Even that little thing makes me go weak in the knees.

_Maybe were friends  
Maybe were more  
Maybe it's just my imagination  
But I see you stare just a little too long  
And it makes me start to wonder  
So baby call me crazy  
But I think you feel it too  
Maybe I, Maybe I  
Just got to get next to you_

She stares at her hands then. She doesn't even glance up at me. I watch her carefully to see her reaction.

_I asked around and I heard that you were talking  
Told my girl that you thought I was out of your league  
What a fool, I got to get next to you, whoa  
Yeah it's five in the morning and I can't go to sleep  
'Cause I wish, yeah I wish that you knew what you mean to me  
Baby let's get together and end this mystery, oh_

_Maybe were friends  
Maybe were more  
Maybe it's just my imagination  
But I see you stare just a little too long  
And it makes me start to wonder  
So baby call me crazy  
But I think you feel it too  
Maybe I, Maybe I  
Just got to get next to you_

She finally looks over at me and as the end of the song plays through the ear buds, she asks me simply, "Who's the lucky guy?"

I shake my head, "No one." I wish she would just drop it. Or at least see that it was actually her.

She pushes me, "You so lie! It's Kelly isn't it?" She says joking around

"If I dated her, you would so get jealous." I say with a big smile

"Oh yeah. You know I would. Plus, I don't like her. So I don't approve." She laughs a little. She then grabs my phone. I don't care when she grabs it. I have nothing to hide from her.

I watch her open my phone and she goes straight to the text messages, "Kelly... Kelly… Kelly… me… Kelly." She looks over at me, "You sure you don't like her?" She says with a serious look

Ugh. "Im sure." Im in love with you Ashley! Why can't you see that! "She's not my type." She laughs a little and goes into my pictures

"I love this picture of us." Oh and yeah, almost all of my pictures are of us, me, or her. Most of them are her though. "Whoa, when did you take this of me?" She looks at me for a moment then focusing back on the phone, "And what is your type?" She closes my phone and hands it back to me

Tall. Beautiful. Brown hair. Brown eyes. Softball pitcher. My best friend. You. "Sporty. Great sense of humor. Perfect smile. Someone who understands me. Someone who knows just by looking at me, that there is something wrong. Someone who makes me weak in the knees just by chuckling. Someone who I can joke around with and someone who I can myself with." I say it all. Never taking my eyes off of her. I want her to know it's her without me actually telling her it her.

"Sounds like Mr. Right." She focuses back on her hands. She seems a little down.

"Ash?" She looks back over at me, "What did you mean that one night, when you said 'why do you do this to me?'" She stares at me for a moment, trying to think back when she said it. Then a small smile crept up onto her face.

"Why did you bring that up?" She asks crossing her legs Indian style on the concrete. We're waiting for my mom to pick us up.

"Because I want to know why you said it. You didn't tell me that night. So I wanna know right now." I put my hand on her knee and I feel her tense up but then relax when I gave her knee a slight squeeze.

She giggled. I guess it tickled her a little bit. "Um, well maybe when you're a bit older." She smiles at me and hops up from where we were sitting.

I stare up at her confused a little bit. "What? Im older than you!" I laugh a little and she helps me up

We make our way over to my mom's car, "Yeah. So? Your point?" She walks a little faster than me and beats me to the car. She hops into the front of the car.

I laugh as I get into the backseat, "You're a loser. We'll finish this conversation when we get home." My mom makes her way out of the parking lot.

"How was the movie ladies?" She stops at the red light

"It was really good." Ashley announces

"The movie was good. The whole Aiden coming sucked though. Really, Ash, why do you like him?" I see my mom's eyes in the rear view mirror look back at me. I smile to her but she shakes her head. I immediately regret saying that.

"He's actually really nice once you get to know him." I see her stare out of the window

The whole ride back to the house was quiet besides the radio playing. When we got there, we went straight to my room. It was around 9:30 and we were already tried. We had a long day with school and softball. I lay down on my bed in a dramatic way, making Ashley laugh at me. I watch her walk over to my dresser and pull out a tank top and a pair of short shorts.

She changes right in front of me and I can't look away. I know I should, but I can't. Her body is nicely toned and she has a couple of tan lines already showing up from softball. She walks towards my bed in just her bra and the short shorts with a smile. She lies down on her stomach with the tank top still in her hands. I swallow hard because I have a great view of her chest now. I steal a glance and try to look at her face, but cant. So I stare up at the ceiling. Why does she do this to me?


	6. Chapter 6

**Im surprised that no one caught my mistake in the last chapter lol. In the beginning I put that it was the night before tryouts… but in the end it was a Friday night. So yeah… Im sorry for that confusion. I actually meant it to be on the Friday night part. Lol.**

**Anyways, on with the story! Keep on reviewing! I know its slow… but I have to build up the beginning of the story before the middle! After tryouts and the beginning of the season… it'll change. Trust me.**

**You can go read the chapter now that im done with the announcements lol.**

**and yeah.. the beginning of the chapter is good. then it all goes downhill from there. but i didn't feel like re-writing any of it. lol**

It's Saturday morning. Im lying in bed with still a half naked brunette. Im still staring at the ceiling. Just like since I was when it was 4:45 when we went to bed. Or well when Ashley went to bed. I still couldn't sleep. And I still cant and its 7:52 in the morning. The sun is already out. And Ashley is still half naked.

I think my problem with sleeping tonight was that Ashley never put on her tank top. She kind of just left it on the foot of my bed. I never asked why though. I mean, I got a show. I smile into the empty quiet room. Its so quiet you could hear a pen drop. I mean, I never really understood that saying. It's kind of stupid if you ask me.

If it was that quiet. Something is really wrong. I can't really handle it when its that quiet. It would be way to quiet for me so I would have to come up with something to do to make some noise. Its like right now, its ok. Because im listening to Ashley's cute little sleeping noises. I never knew that she kind of snored. But its not like those really obnoxious snores. Its more of a cute little snore. I don't know. I cant explain it.

I watch her as she stirs in her sleep. I wonder what she's dreaming about. She smiles into the pillow and I cant help but to smile. It's 7:57 now and I still don't feel a bit tried. I sigh as I roll over onto my side to where my back is facing Ashley. I close my eyes again in attempt to fall asleep. Failed. Again.

I open my eyes and stare at my clock. I watch as the 2 turns into a 3 before I throw my side of the covers off of me. I shiver as I miss the warmth we've created underneath the covers. I grab my hoodie from my computer desk chair and slip into it before exiting my room. I walk downstairs as quiet as I can. I don't want to wake up anyone.

I walk into the kitchen and over to the fridge. I grab the orange juice from inside and a cup from the cupboard. After I pour me a full glass, I put the carton back in the fridge and make my way into the living room. I grab the remote as I take a drink of OJ. I turn the tv to channel 50. Nickeloden. Saturday morning cartoons baby.

I grab the cover from the back of the couch and I cover up as I watch Spongebob play on the screen. When I lay down on the couch, before I knew it, I was out.

I open my eyes and I stare at the tv which is playing an MTV show. Made to be exact. I blink a couple of times before I yawn. I look at the recliner to find it empty. And then I look at my cup which is empty too. I raise my eyebrows in confusion. Did I drink all of that? I grab my phone from off of the coffee table and look at the time. 11:43. I slept for a long time. I didn't even think I would fall asleep.

Then Ashley walks into the room. She walks in with a smile on her face. Nothing new there. Hey look! She has her tank top on. I smile back at her, "Morning sleeping beauty." She says cute as she sits back down in the recliner

"Morning." I say in a tried voice. You could tell that I didn't get any sleep last night. She smiles at me before she turns her attention back to the TV.

Have you ever wondered why you love someone who you know will never return those feelings? And have you ever day dreamed in class before about how the conversation would ever go if you ever told that person that you were in fact in love with them? I have. Many of times. It's how my math class goes by so quickly.

Ashley turns around in the recliner, "Wanna go do something?" She asks fiddling with the remote in her hands

"Like?" I ask before I yawn

She smiles at me, "I don't know. Something fun. Like the beach—"

I cut her off, "Cant do that one. My time of the month." She stares at me weird like she didn't want to hear it. I chuckle a little, "Sorry." And then I send her my cute smile

She stares at me for a second before continueing, "A movie—" I cut her off again

"Aiden would go. So no." She rolls her eyes

"I meant like a movie up in your room." I crinkle my forehead in confusion

"Why can't we just watch it down here?" I mean, don't get me wrong. I wouldn't mind for some more alone time with you without a shirt on up in my room. But im really comfortable right now and I don't really feel like moving.

She shrugs her shoulders, "I don't know. Your bed is a lot more comfortable." And I would get to lay by you? Im all in for that!

I quickly stand up but become really dizzy so I sit back down slowly on the couch, "Got up… way too fast." She laughs at me as she stands up from the recliner

I smile at her as I stand up again after all of the dizzieness went away. We start making our way over to my room. "Why were you sleeping down here?" She asks walking into my room first

I shut the door behind me, "Because I could." She plops down on my bed. Literally. She just kind of fell onto my bed.

I walk over to my bed with a smile on my face. I watch as she snuggles back under the covers. "Come on. Im cold." I completely forget about the movie and get under the covers with her. She snuggles up close next to me, "Much better. You're comfy, Spence." I feel her smile against me.

"Thanks." I say in a quiet voice. "Ash?" I say and she utters a 'hmm' to me. I take a deep breath and then I realized that I didn't want to tell her right now. But soon, soon I will. "Nevermind." Then I hear her utter a 'ok' and im glad that she doesn't try to get me to tell her. Instead, I wrap my arms around her and pull her closer.

IOIOIOIO

I walked into school Monday, making a new mentle note for myself. _Don't cry_.

Why is it that? Because I just experience something I never wanted to experience in my life. And now that I have seen it with my own eyes. I never _ever _want to see again. "Spencer wait!" I hear from behind me. Of course im walking away from them. From Aiden and Ashley. Who just sucked each others faces off while I stood there.

I turn the corner and I almost knock over Kelly. "You in a hurry?" She asks with her cute smile

I smile a little bit back, "No. You?" She shakes her head but then Ashley turns the corner

"Spencer, what is your problem?" She says staring at me. I want to tell her. I _need _to tell her. I need to tell her that every pasting moment that im not with her, it kills me. I need to tell her that every second she spends with Aiden, it kills me inside. It literally makes me want to scream. And every minute he touches her, it makes me want to die.

But before I can answer, Kelly answers for me, "You are, Davies. Maybe if you were a better friend, she wouldn't be coming to hang out with me." Ashley sends me a 'what the fuck?' look. I sigh and shake my head

"Ashley that's not right. It's just that… I don't enjoy… watching you and _him _suck face in front of me." I will never say his name. His name will never come out of my mouth.

"Can I talk to you? Alone?" She looks over at Kelly and then back at me. I should really go with Ashley, but Kelly and I were just about to go do something together.

"Um…" I say and then Kelly says something else.

Im going to strangle this chick. "She can't right now, Davies. Maybe after you're done having sex with your boy toy, you can talk to her." She grabs my hand and pulls me past Ashley who is glaring at Kelly now.

"Whoa there. I don't even know who you are. Where the hell do you get off with me being a slut?" Kelly turns around with a slight grin on her face. I don't like where this is going.

"So… you're saying you're a virgin?" Uh oh. Ashley please just lie and say you aren't. If you don't… she's just going to spread it all over school.

I watch Ashley swallow hard, "Kelly does it really matter?" I ask taking my arm back, "And plus, this is between me and her. Not me and you." I say taking a few steps back towards Ashley

"Are you really going to go hang out with her after she's hurt you?" Ok so maybe I told Kelly something I shouldn't have told her.

"She's never hurt me." A complete lie.

Kelly scouffs and crosses her arms across her cheast, "Oh hold on a minute. This is what you said to me. And I quote, 'I cant believe she is going out with him. She doesn't even know how much this is hurting me.'" She smiles like she just did something wrong

I bit my bottom lip. I steal a glance over at Ashley and shes staring at me. "I never said that." I said in a quiet voice.

Kelly rolls her eyes, "I cant believe I actually tried to be your friend." She says turning around, "You know Carlin," She stops and turns back around and stares at me, "You just lost me 20 bucks." She shakes her head and continues to walk

What the hell? Was she betting on me? "Whoa wait a minute!" I slowly start walking forward towards her. She turns around, "You betted on me?" I say in shock

"Spence, come on. It doesn't matter." Ashley says tugging on my hand

I jerk my hand back from Ashley and I stare at Kelly. "So what if I did." Oh my god.

"With who!? And about what!" I exclaimed. This year is already sucking ass.

"Madison." Speaking of the bitch. She walks over to Kelly. "And she betted me that I couldn't make you come out of the cloest with me." She sighs over dramaticly and looks at Madison. I don't even dare to look at Ashley, "I guess I owe you 20 bucks, Mads." They both laugh as they turn around and start to walk off

"It's ok Kelly, I already told everyone that she was gay." They share a laugh and I cant believe what just happened before me.

I turn around expecting Ashley to not be there. But she was. With open arms. She brought me into a hug and I hugged her back. "It's ok Spencer. No one will believe them two that you're gay. It's not like you are."

And what hurts the most is finally deciding to let go of your love. But what hurts even more, is that after you let go of them, they finally start to catch on.


	7. Chapter 7

**Oh my god. I am so glad to be home! Lol. I was at the USA softball Olympic game Friday night. It was 105 degrees. I was literally sweating off my weight. Lol. Anyways, since im home and relaxed now, I thought I would update for you guys. And since softball at highschool ended last week too, I'll try to update more often. Ok, on with the story! :)**

28 days. 4 weeks. It all adds up to one month. I've counted every day. Every minute. Every second that I've been distinct. That I haven't spoken more than a sentence to anyone. That I haven't stolen any innocent glances at Ashley. Since Madison and Kelly told the whole school that I was gay. Since I was officially out of the closet and no one believed I was. I was still trapped behind this closed door. One month since I started to let Ashley go.

I barely talk to Ashley anymore. Especially during softball. It's getting harder because she's trying to pry into me. We both made varsity. I could tell you about the day we both found out, but there's no sense too. It'll just waste your time. You don't really need to hear about that day. Unless you really want to know. Then I guess I'll tell you a little bit of it. When we both found out. When we both stood there staring at the white sheet of paper on the shed door.

_It was two weeks ago. So two weeks after the whole Kelly incident. I was with Ashley. Not talking to her though. She stands there next to her. I could tell by the way she stared at me; she was dying to know what was going on in my head. I still to this day, cry myself to sleep because of everything happening. Because she didn't believe that I was gay. Because I finally decided to let the love of my life, walk out of the door. Because of Kelly betraying me. Because I was the center of a stupid bet because of my secret._

"_Spence…r." Ashley takes me away from my thoughts. I give her a half hearted smile and we move closer to the list. I watch as the hand she pitches with goes onto the paper. Her index finger going across every name. She stops on mine for a second longer than everyone else's. I don't think she knows that I noticed that. _

_Do you think she means to do that? Do you actually think she means to look at me longer now? That she studies my face when we aren't talking? Should I have started to let her go?_

_I hear her squeal and she once again, takes me away from my thoughts. "We both made varsity!" She goes in for a hug and then stops and stares at me. Her smile slowly decreasing as she once again, studies my face because im not talking to her. Because I didn't react like she did._

_And that's my answer. She's scared because she might slightly believe Kelly and Madison that im gay. And she's scared at that. She doesn't want her best friend to be gay. She doesn't. She's afraid she'll lose me. But what she doesn't already know is, im pushing her away. Im consciously pushing her away. Im letting her go. And im never looking back._

"Spencer." I look up from my binder paper. I was supposed to be taking notes about whatever we were learning about today in language. I look around the room, at the people who are leaving. 

Class is over. "Were are the notes you were supposed to be taking?" My teacher asks me. His face going red with anger.

I open my mouth to say something, but Ashley beat me too it, "Her father is really sick, sir. She's just a little distinct from a lot of things." She looks at me and Mr. Brown looks down at me too and I nod.

He sighs and walks back towards his desk, "Just try to pay a little bit more attention in class, Carlin." And we leave the classroom.

When we get out of the room, we start walking towards our 2nd period class. We don't share it; it's just in the same direction. The same hallway. It's quite too. Between the two of us. "You didn't have to do that." I choke out quietly. I keep my eyes focused in front of me. I don't dare to look at her.

"I know." She says simply. I can feel her looking at me. Burning holes in the side of my head.

I almost walk past my classroom door. I've never been this happy to go to History. Never in my entire highschool life. "Bye." I say quietly as I leave Ashley outside my room confused.

Today at lunch was different. Well, not really different anymore. It's normal for me now. I sit down at our table. I listen to everyone's conversations as I sit here quietly, picking at my food. I haven't eaten a lot either. And that's totally not normal. I take a sip out of my water bottle and internally sigh. I look at the end of the table and I see them. Ashley and _him. _His arm is around her waist and she's laughing. Even when I start to push her away, she still seems happier than ever.

I get up from the table and throw away my food that was barely touched. I turn away from the trashcan and I stare at the table. It wouldn't change if I didn't go back. If I never came back to that table. I close my eyes. This is not the life I wanted for me.

"Oh my god, we need a ten foot distinct between me and you." Madison says as she walks by with her cult.

"That's getting really old, Madison." I say really tired of hearing all of her lame gay jokes or something like that. I watch as she turns around and her whole cult stops. They don't say anything. They just kind of stare. "What? Didn't think I would say something back to you?" She walks over to me and gets about a foot away from my face. She opens her mouth to say another lame comment, but I beat her too it. "Ew oh my god, why are you trying to kiss me?" I push her back and she drops her mouth in shock. I smirk at her.

"Ew Mads." I hear one of her friends say. "Why did you try to kiss her?!" Another one says.

A lot of the students in the quad are looking at us now. My whole table became quiet and is staring at us. "What the fucks your problem, Carlin?" I am so tired of all of this.

I roll my eyes and cross my arms across my chest, "What? You can make gay jokes about me but I can't make them about you? A little un-fair don't you think?" I actually have no clue where all of this is coming from.

"Mads, just leave her alone." Kelly chokes out as she stands next to Madison.

"You know what Kelly? Don't stand up for me ok? I don't need you." My friends walked up beside me since that's what Madison's friends did to her. I turn to see Ashley, "Or you." Then back at Madison, "I don't need a single one of you." I walk off, not even looking back to see what I left behind.

I walked away from everyone. I don't need them. I don't need anything of theirs. I don't want anything from them. I don't want… her in my head anymore! I don't want to hear her voice when im alone and no one is around. I don't want to dream about her face every single night! I want to hate her! I want her to leave me alone! I want… I want… I don't want to push her away from me anymore.

I want her here by my side. Fighting with me. I want Aiden to leave so I can be with her. I want to tell her the truth. I want a happier life. One that my parents don't fight. One that my brothers would actually stand up for me. One that Ashley believed me when Madison and Kelly told the whole school that I was gay. One that Ashley loved me back for once.

My cell phone starts to vibrate in my back pocket. That is what pulled me from my thoughts this time. I look at the caller ID. _Ashley Baby. _I want to change that. I need to change that. But I can't bring myself to actually change it. I've ignored every single call from her. Every single one since that day. 28 days ago. 4 weeks. One month ago.

**Ok… there is the update! I'll try to update soon too. Like… sometime this week! Reviews help me too!**


	8. Chapter 8

I slip my head into the green helmet and I look out of the front, through the mask and at the people. I adjust the chin strap so it isn't as tight as it was before I adjusted it. I bend over and grab a hand full of dirt and I make sure I get a lot of the dirt on both of my batting gloves. I drop the extra dirt back onto the field and I pick up my bat. I make sure to get the dirt that was on my gloves onto the part of the bat where I grip it.

I make my way over to the right hand batter's box and I place my right foot in and I take a deep breathe before I put my left foot in. I touch the middle of the plate before setting up all the way. It's all a habit that I have had since I started softball. I stare at Ashley who is pitching batting practice today. All I want to do is make contact with the ball.

I watch as she throws her rise ball. Ball. She goes into her wind up and throws her drop. Swing and a miss. Damn. The count is 1-1 now. I re-set my feet and get ready for the next pitch. Change. Wait for it… swing… hit! Goes between the 3rd basemen and shortstop. Both diving to retrieve the ball. Both missing. Half way to second just as the left fielder picks up the ball. Rounds second just as she throws it back to the shortstop. Double.

I walk back over to the base and Ashley turns around. I watch her do her habit thing. Looks at the runner on 2. Deep breath and turns back around. The ball is in her glove as she takes her position on the rubber. Right hand by her thigh. Three taps with her index finger as she receives the sign. Then another deep breath before her wind up. Curve. Lizzy hits it over to left field. Catch; I tag up and steal 3. Safe.

Rebecca takes a strike, looking. Habit of hers I've noticed. 2nd pitch; swing and a miss. 3rd pitch; change and struck her out. She isn't good with change ups. Kayla comes up. She looks really scared to be facing Ashley. She's pretty fast I must say. Takes the first pitch and the second one flies out to right center and I take home. Safe. Like always.

After practice was finally over, I walked over to the side of the school where I get picked up. I really wish my mom would hurry up so I wouldn't have to talk to Ashley. But she walks around the corner and sets her stuff down next to mine. She then sits down next to me up against the wall. I hear her sigh, "Today sucked." She says trying to make small talk with me. I give her props though.

I nod in response, which only makes her question, "What's up with you lately?" I shake my head, "Spencer, for real." She says sternly just like her mom.

I look over at her, "Nothing is wrong, Ash. Just been thinking about things." Not a complete lie. But whatever. She really doesn't deserve the whole truth. Ok, well maybe she does. She hasn't done anything bad to me. Just ignored me when she's with _him. _Or when she's talking about _him _to someone else. Or when she sees _him _across campus.

"Will you stop lying to me and please just tell me? You've been pushing me away long enough, Spence. And seriously, the thing today at lunch? What was that about?" I then get a text message and I really want to know who it's from. So I guess I'll act like her and check it. Kelly? I read the text message after I make a face, "Who's it from?" She asks and I tell her. _**Sorry about everything Spence. I know it was **_

_**really mean. I was just jealous. That's all really. **_"You should tell her to go fuck herself." Ashley chuckles at her own comment.

I quickly text a reply back to her, _**of what? You've ruined my whole year already Kelly. You can't take that back. **_I close my phone before Ashley could read what I wrote. Maybe I should tell Ashley sorry too. "So anyways, Spence. Is the way you've been acting because of what Madison did?" I nod, "Why couldn't you just tell me that instead of pushing me away?" Just then I hear her phone going out from inside her bag. "Hold on, Spencey." She smiles sweetly at me, "Hey baby." Gag. Gag. Gag.

My mom pulls up then and I get up. I grab my bag and start heading towards my mom's truck. She's on the phone yelling. Probably with my dad. Great. "Spencer!" I turn around, "What!?" I exclaimed and she looked at me shocked. "Sorry." I say quietly as she walks over to me. She's not on the phone anymore.

I stare at the ground, "We'll talk about this later. Ok?" She attempts a smile at me but I reject it and get into the truck.

My mom is off of the phone too. She sighs and starts driving, "Your dad and I are getting a divorce." I tighten my jaw and hold back the tears. She senses my uneasiness, "I know this isn't the best time for you, but I can't handle him anymore, Spencer. He's always picking fights and he's always drinking. Do you understand?" I nod, knowing not to question any of this, "We have to drop off the papers real quick at the post office." She says before she turns up the music.

I stare out of the window and a tear escapes and it's quickly followed by another one. I pull out my phone and read the text Kelly sent me. _**Of you liking Ashley. Don't ask how I know ok? It's completely obvious. And I really**__**like you. And I was pressured to do all of those things. And I regret it completely… **_I don't really know what to say to that. So I just exit out of it and go to create a new message. I quickly type _**mom and dad are divorcing. **_And I send it to Ashley.

When we get home, I go straight up to my room. I close my door and lean up against it. My head hangs down and tears fall from my eyes and hit my carpet. I sniff as I slowly bring myself to my bed. I hug Berry, the teddy bear Ashley got me for my birthday in 3rd grade. More tears fall and an hour past and I cried myself to sleep.

When I wake up, I look at the clock, 12:49. I check my phone for anything new. 4 new text messages. 8 missed calls. 2 new voice mails. I read the text messages real quick. One of them is from Kelly, _**sorry… I shouldn't have told you that I guess. **_I reply back to her quickly, _**no it's cool. I just didn't know what to say. **_I go into my inbox and read the one from Kyla, _**heyyy whats up my love? **_I chuckle at that and go to my inbox which are both from Ashley. _**Omg r u serious?? R u ok?? **_I read the next one before replying, _**Spencerrrrrr. R u awake? **_I look at the time she sent that, 12:48.

I quickly call her and she answers immediately, "Spencer, hey." I smile at the sound of her voice.

"Can I come over?" I ask really quiet and really sad.

"Yeah of course." I smile at that too. But it's a sad smile.

"Ok… thanks, ash. I want to tell you something when I get there." I can practically hear her smile through the phone. "I'll be over in 10." And we say goodbye and hang-up.

I slip out of my softball stuff that I fell asleep in and into sweats and a long sleeved t-shirt. I slipped into some sandals and I grabbed Berry and I made my way out of the house and down the street to Ashley's. Good thing she only lived a couple houses down from me. I got to her house and she was waiting for me on the front porch steps. I walked up to her and she saw me holding Berry, "You love him don't you?"

And without thinking, "I love you."

**Ah! :) What's going to happen now? Do you think Ashley will just say it back thinking it's a friendly 'I love you'? And really, whats up with Kelly? Do you think she'll get in the way of Spencer and Ashley? Ah! The suspense! Lol. Ok, well tell me what you liked, hated, want to see in your reviews! Remember, whoever reviews gets a nice warm chocolate chip cookie!! :) **


	9. Chapter 9

Holy shit. I can't believe I just said that. To Ashley. Oh my god. Oh my god. She's staring at me weird. I think she notices that im freaking out. Oh my god. I hug Berry tighter as she smiles at me. Oh my god. Please think it's the friendly I love you. Please. Even though I want her to know that im in love with her. But I don't know. Ah, confusion sucks. "I love you too, Spencer." Oh my god! She's freak—ah wait. She took it as the friendly one. Good.

I loosen up a little bit and take a seat down on the front porch steps. It's kind of chilly out here. I wish we could just go inside and up to her room. Maybe lay down on her bed. Fall asleep in each other's arms… god im in way too deep huh. Ah, I came here for a reason though. That reason? Tell her that I was gay. I was actually gay. And I was in love with her. What am I doing about that now? Nothing. Im acting like I have to talk to her about my parents.

I've been quiet for a while now. Maybe I should say something, "I remember when you gave me Berry." I smile at the teddy bear and I hear her chuckle. If I were standing up, I'd fall right now because even that much of hearing her laugh makes me that weak in the knees.

"So do I. I remember that it took me like an hour to pick it out for you." I look at her. An hour? Wow. "I wanted it to be just perfect." She watches me and I smile at her and hug the bear tighter. "Look's like I picked a winner huh?" I share a small laugh with her. I so love this girl.

I bit my lower lip, "You are basically amazing, Ash." I say quietly, looking down at Berry.

I can feel her eyes on me, "So your parents are getting a divorce?" Typical Ashley. Changing the subject when I finally get up enough nerve to tell her something super serious.

I nod, "But I kind of saw it coming." I look over at her, "They did fight all the time. And my dad does have a serious drinking problem. So yeah. I kind of saw it coming…" I trail off quietly, staring out into the blackness.

She must sense my uneasiness because she grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. And immediately, my heart beats faster and my stomach fills with butterflies. "It'll be alright, Spencey." Only you can make it better. And you don't even know it.

"It's really cold out here." I say quietly staring into her chocolate brown eyes, "Let's go to your room." I say in a low voice. Uh, I guess it came out… I don't know, I guess you can say, seductively. I didn't really mean for it too. But, it did something to Ashley. And she doesn't know I seen it.

Her eyes are saying something that her expression isn't. Her eyes are agreeing with my seductive comment. Her expression is her best friend expression agreeing with that it's cold out here. She still has a hold of my hand and she is still staring into my eyes. I drop Berry onto the other steps below us and with my free hand, I cup her face in it. She doesn't even blink at my actions. And my actions? Im pulling her closer to me and my lips.

Right before out lips touch, I notice her breathing is faster. She's nervous. Should I be doing this? Too late now. I kiss her. Ashley. Ashley Davies. My best friend. I actually kissed her. The girl I love.

The girl I love.

She pulls away a little and leans her forehead on mine, "Baby, I love you so much." I say in a low husky voice and I kiss her again, a little more aggressive.

The front porch light turns on and Ashley and I jump apart from each other. My heart is pounding more than it ever has before. Her dad walks out, "Ashley." He looks from her to me, "Spencer?" He walks closer to us, "Why are you two out here? It's freezing." He sticks his hands into his robe pockets.

"Uh, I just had to talk to Ashley, Mr. Davies." I say grabbing Berry and standing up.

Ashley stays sitting, "We'll be right in, dad." He nods at us as Ashley stands up slowly. She stays quiet until he goes back inside. She finally looks at me and grabs my hand, "Come on." She says quietly and pulls me inside.

I quickly but quietly, shut the front door behind me. I take a hold of her hand once more; it fits so perfect with hers. She leads me down this dark hallway and we stand outside of her bedroom door. She opens it slowly and starts walking inside, but I pull her back. She stares at me funny and I smile hungrily at her and I pull her close to me again and I kiss her. Her body loosens in mine as I run my tongue along her lips.

She opens her mouth and my tongue enters and fights with hers as she back steps into her room. I shut the door with my foot and she back steps again until we find her bed. We pull away from each other. She stares at me, shocked at everything that is happening. I smirk at her. There is so much that she doesn't know about her best friend.

I push her back onto her bed and she chuckles as she hits the mattress. But her chuckle stops as soon as I start to straddle her. I lean down and hover above her mouth, "I've wanted to do that for so long. Ever since New Years." We share a little chuckle

"3… 2… 1." She says seductively, "Happy New Year's Spencey." And she kisses me. She kisses me this time. Ashley Davies kissed me!

After about 5 minutes of kissing Ashley, with tongue may I add, I got hungrier for her. I have no clue what was getting into me. But my hand started to play with the hem of her shirt and my fingers lightly skimmed over Ashley's very toned stomach. She moans lightly into my mouth and I can't believe what is happening right now.

I hear a faint knocking on the door and then, "Ash?" It's Kyla. Shit.

I jump off of Ashley and I stand there. Ashley sits up on her bed, beat red. She's probably freaking out right now about what all is happening. "What's up Kyla?" I say as she stares at me confused

I smile at her and she laughs and shakes her head. She looks back at Ashley, "Uh, I'll just come back in the morning?" Ashley smiles at her and nods her head. She watches her sister leave her room before she stands up in front of me.

"Ok, so uh, when the hell did you get all experienced?" She says with a smile

I smile back at her and kiss her on the lips once more and I pull back an inch or two, "Mmm, you taste better now than in my dreams." She smiles into the next kiss

The next day, I woke up in Ashley's room. In her arms. Last night was so not a dream. "Ash." I say quietly.

"Hmm." She tightens her grip around me and pulls me closer. If even possible.

"We're late for school." I laugh noticing that it's past 9.

Her eyes shoot open and she jumps out of bed. "Shit shit shit. Im going to have detention again. Damn it!" She runs around her room trying to figure out what to wear. "Fuck!" I sit up in the bed and she looks at me and I start laughing at her. "Come back, we'll go at lunch." She stares at me, looking like she is debating on whether that's a good decision or not.

She walks back over to the bed and sits down Indian styled, "What happened last night?" She asks simply

I smile at her and grab her hands, "Something that I've wanted to happen for a long time." This makes her smile

"Damn, was I that blind?" I laugh and kiss her

"I could say the same thing about me." We share a laugh

We slowly get ready for school. Well, I guess she slowly got ready for school. I continued to wear my grey sweats and my black hoodie. I don't care if I showed up to school like that. It's comfortable. I pulled back my hair and let my bangs hang loose today.

I sat on the couch, waiting patiently for Ashley to finish getting ready, watching TV. I still can't even believe that all of this happened last night. I flipped through the channels as Ashley walked around the corner, "Ready?" She slings her back pack over her shoulders. I smile and nod.

When we got to school, it was the end of lunch. I wish we didn't even have to be here. It's not that much fun. Ashley isn't in any of these classes. But thankfully, they didn't go by as slow as I thought they would go.

Practice finally came around, and Ashley and I were all smiles with each other. Alexis defiantly noticed, "Ok, so um, what's up with you being all happy go lucky?" She walks next to me from left field down to home base so we can do around-the-horn. All I do is smile at her but steal a glance at Ashley who was walking over to 3rd base. "Finally score a home run last night?"

I laugh, "Wow, Lex. Thanks." I smile at her. I loved this girl.

And she was one with the eye. She saw me staring at Ashley, and she just smiled at me. Did she know that I was in love with her? Did they all know? Because they all stare at me. Her. Us. Were we that obvious?


End file.
